moon girl

[moon girl]

You know, I read somewhere, once, that gods cannot love as humans can because love is about survivability. Oh? We have only been able to last this long because of the way we take care of each other. Because of love. You’re being cynical again. Love is love is love. Not everything has to be because of something else. No. You misunderstand. You think this makes love less beautiful. Less willing. Less of a pastry you bake in an oven until it’s golden warm and ready to give to someone else. Less of a silent, steady song you sing to the moon when no one else is awake, maybe. I think it makes it more so.

I like to think that if there is a god, the fire and brimstone one, then he created us because it was the closest he could ever get to loving. How lonely. How beautiful.

[moon girl]

[sirfrogsworth]

I know a lot of people are saying this isn’t cause to celebrate. That we still have a long hard road ahead. That there are 70 million Trump supporters to contend with. And that’s true. And the moderates who are like, “Well, glad things are back to normal” are frustrating. I understand and acknowledge all of that. 

But for me, my dad and every at risk person in this country just got a statistically significant increase in their chances to survive this virus. So I am relived. I am celebrating. And I am going to sleep a little better now. 

I’m not giving up the fight. I’m always going to push for the things I believe in. But I am very tired, both physically and mentally. This was one of the most difficult few months of my life on many fronts. 

So I am going to rest. 

And I think it’s okay if other people need to take that rest as well. 

And I think it would be kinda shitty if you shame them for needing that rest. 

You can’t fight if you are a waking corpse from stress and anxiety. 

So let the people who need rest do so. 

Please?

[moon girl]

i.

I like storms. Big ones, where the wind howls through the gaps in the world and the sky grieves for a loss greater than humanity can comprehend, and its rage is centuries old and unbreakable. I don’t know what it says about me.

ii.

You tell me that you like the moment right before the sun breaks through the horizon, when the world is holding its breath and everything is still and on the verge of something beautiful. I don’t say what I want to, because I’m afraid the words won’t come out like I want them to. Instead, I tell you that that sounds stupid, loving something not yet beautiful. You smile at me when you say that that’s the beauty of it.

iii.

Sometimes when sleep is a burden I want to escape I pinch myself until I no longer see my reflection in my bedroom window. I watch for the exact moment before the sun breaks the horizon and I think. That I get it. I get it now. 

iv.

I wonder if you think about me when it storms.

[moon girl]

[moringottos-deactivated20210117]

What’s up my guys?

You’re probably sick to death of me reblogging my GoFundMe post, trust me I’m sick of reblogging it too. So I’m making this one, which is an updated one, because a lot of thing have happened since I was admitted into the hospital with a mystery lung infection, the most important being I was discharged with a cancer diagnosis.

I have Stage IV Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

It’s spread to my lungs for sure, and I have a bone marrow biopsy next week as well as a PET scan to see where else it’s spread. It’s not looking super great for me, though I haven’t been given an expiration date and even if I do I’m going to ignore it because I refuse to be taken out by something called lymphoma. I have an expected chemo start date of 4/27, if not 4/20, in order to aggressively fight this. I’ve already shaved my head ahead of chemo because it’s important to me that I take charge and be active in my treatment and my recovery so I don’t just give up.

“Stage IV” is a scary phrase, and I’ll admit I had a bit of a breakdown after my oncology appointment because for all my nihilistic “just let me die lol” humor, being confronted with my own mortality is a heavy and hard thing to handle. I had another breakdown after taking the scissors to my hair to make shaving it easier, and yet another in the shower. It’s good to cry and scream and let it all out because this sucks! This sucks so much! I’m only 30, goddamn! Hodgkin’s Lymphoma is one of the most treatable cancers with a five year prognosis that’s at least above 50% so statistics are in my favor right now. Even knowing this, sometimes I think about what’s happening and I feel like I’m going to start screaming and never stop.

I’m not working; my funeral home made me redundant as the newest mortician on the seniority ladder, though I haven’t been officially laid off or let go. At least then I could collect unemployment, so being stuck in this “having a job but not having a job limbo” sucks. I still have health insurance, which I’m sure is a major contributing factor to why I haven’t been officially laid off, but it’s still $200 every two weeks and without an income, obviously this sucks. Even when the shelter-in-place orders end and businesses are able to reopen like they were before the pandemic, I’ll be in the full swing of aggressive chemotherapy and unable to work so the shittiness continues.

I’m asking for help, because I want to survive this.

Here’s how you can help:

• I have a GoFundMe here. So many people have already generously given and all the money is going to bills, bills, groceries, bills, rent, and medications.
• If you would rather send something physical, I have an Amazon wishlist specifically for dealing with this here. I didn’t actually know what to put on there so the first thing was cat food.
• I also have a paypal.me
• If you want to help but are broke as shit like me, reblogs are appreciated just as much.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. It’s a super crazy world out there right now so please stay safe and try to stay healthy.

[moringottos-deactivated20210117]

My cancer has spread and is continuing to spread aggressively.

it’s now in my spleen, my right lung, and the lymph nodes in my neck, between my lungs, and behind my heart.

please help if you can, even if it’s just a reblog.

[moringottos-deactivated20210117]

I turned 31 today. Please help so that this is not my last birthday.

[moringottos-deactivated20210117]

Thank you so much everyone who has helped so far!

I’m almost halfway to my goal and every reblog and every dollar has helped more than you can imagine and more than I can say! Your support has put gas in my car so I can get to all of my appointments, put food on the table while I’m still playing Disability Shuffle with the insurance companies, and helped pay for the cocktail of medications I’m on, from Celebrex for chemo related joint pain, to my Zoloft so that I can actually get out of bed and face every day.

It means the world to me every time I get a like or reblog or donation and I honest to god get emotional every time. Thank you all so much for how much you have supported me through encouragement and donations alike.

[maybepoetrymaybenot]

OP I LOVE YOU YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!! DONT GIVE UP YOU GOT THIS

[moon girl]

[normal-horoscopes]

I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER SEEN AMERICA THIS UNITED BEHIND A CAUSE THE AMOUNT OF SUPPORT FOR THE PROTESTORS AND DISTAIN FOR THE POLICE IS STAGGERING

EVEN IF THE FLAMES DIE DOWN AND THE COPS FORCE PEOPLE BACK INTO THEIR HOMES UNDERSTAND THAT IN THEIR DESPERATE EFFORT TO CLING TO THEIR POWER THEY HAVE ONLY SUCCEEDED IN RADICALIZING AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF AMERICANS AGAINST THEM

[normal-horoscopes]

WITH THEIR ACTIONS DURING THESE PROTESTS THE POLICE HAVE SINGLE-HANDEDLY DESTROYED ANY REMAINING TRUST THE AMERICAN PEOPLE HAD IN THEM

THE ILLUSION IS SHATTERED

ALL THE SOCIAL POINTS THEY GAINED IN THE WAKE OF 9/11 HAVE BEEN SPENT AND AMERICANS NOW SEE THEM FOR THE BASTARDS THE ALWAYS HAVE BEEN

[normal-horoscopes]

THERE ARE KARENS ARE SAYING ACAB NOW THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF THE END FOR THE AMERICAN POLICE SYSTEM AS WE KNOW IT

[normal-horoscopes]

THE MEDIA NARRATIVE IS TURNING RAPIDLY MORE IN FAVOR OF THE RIOTERS

COPS ARE VISIBLY LOSING BRAVADO

WE ARE WINNING

[normal-horoscopes]

DAMN NEAR ALL PRO-COP PROPAGANDA IS BEING DROWNED IN MOCKERY AND SUPPORT FOR BLACK AMERICANS

THE NARRATIVE IS NOW FIRMLY IN OUR CONTROL

THE SHEER NUMBERS OF THE PROTESTS ARE BEGINNING TO DECLINE BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN HAS THEIR EYES AND EARS FIXED ON GOVERNEMNT OFFICIALS

THE BALL IS IN THEIR COURT AND IT IS ABUNDANTLY CLEAR THAT IF THEY FAIL TO SERVE JUSTICE THEIR CITIES WILL BURN

THE DAY IS OURS AND WE ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE

[hater-of-terfs]

54% of Americans believe burning the Minneapolis police precinct building was justified

Not just that police brutality is an issue. Not just that protesting it is warranted. Not just a general agreement with BLM’s goals. A majority of Americans believe that capturing and burning down a police precinct building was a justified action

The narrative has permanently shifted. We are definitely winning

[moon girl]

Reblog if you’re black tumblr.

[joygucci-deactivated20160123]

You don’t have to be black, it just means you support us, you stand by us and your for us.

[redheadsims-cc]

Originally posted by pabstbloribbon

[moon girl]

Murder is the absolute peak of violence. When you see a broken window and choose to fixate on that violence instead, you need to take a step back and re-evaluate your priorities.

n.n. // 400 years is a long, long time to be systematically oppressed

[moon girl]

Those shards on the floor? They were never beautiful, or poetic, or symbolic. They broke, and I looked at the refractions of light inside the glass pieces and called them poetry. Perhaps that is why if you draw your finger along the edges of my words, it will come away bleeding.

n.n. // all that blood was never once beautiful. it was always just red.

[moon girl]

She only came back when she felt like it, in dreams and lies and broken-down déjà vu.

Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor and Park

[moon girl]

I was falling again. Except this time, you were at the bottom waiting, and you caught me.

n.n. // how it feels not to fall in love alone